Monday Morning Musing, June 15

Can't bring myself to even acknowledge this past weekend's Mile High debacle for the M's, so...

Let me first just say this: I hate Kobe Bryant (and the Lakers, as all Seattle sports fans should), but there was no team preventing his maniacal quest for a fourth NBA championship and his first without the Big Aristotle.

It's a shame. One, because Kobe won another championship. Two, because of what might have been if the Celtics were healthy.

There were only three teams with enough firepower to prevent Kobe from reaching the mountain top: The Magic, Nuggets, Celtics and Lebrons.

The Magic and Nuggets obviously weren't ready and their coaches flat-out failed them. Our old buddy George Karl, who I still stupidly defend as being a good coach (quick question: am I alone as Sonics fan who does this?), by refusing to make adjustments and not having an in-bounds play. Seriously, he didn't have an in-bounds play and it cost him at least two games. Stan Van Gundy, by refusing to play Courtney Lee and Rafer Alston during key stretches.

But aside form the coaching catastophe, really, these teams didn't have the high-pressure experience necessary to deal with Kobe's crew. Both will be back next year.

The Lebrons turned out to be just Lebron, despite all the Mo Williams hyperbole throughout the regular season, which they absolutely dominated. This, by the way, reinforces what we already know about the NBA: the regular season doesn't mean shiite. They were also let down by a coach, Mike Brown, who despite an aesthetic attempt to look smart (his Gucci glasses), failed to make any strategic adjustments throughout the Magic series. He gets the Donald Rumsfeld award for "staying the course" for absolutely no reason.

And, finally, the Celtics, oh my poor Celtics. After treating us to the two best series of the entire playoffs (against the Bulls and Magic), they simply ran out of gas after game 5 of the Magic series. And the yawning void, especially on defense, left by the injury to Kevin Garnett, completely did them in.

So, we're left with a sad "what-if" scenario with the end to this exceedingly disappointing finals. What if Garnett had come back, healthy, midway through the Magic series? What if he had provided an answer and challenge to Dwight Howard? What if the C's took out the Magic and then the Cavs and we were treated to a rematch of the 2008 finals: Lakers-Celtics, the modern version, Round 2?

Last year, the Lakers appeared just happy to be in the finals again, after a three year run of mediocrity and Kobe/Zen Master-inspired drama. Plus, they ran into an on-a-mission Celtics team with three in-their-prime superstars, including our boy Ray-Ray. The Celtics beat them like Brandon Marshall's girlfriend.

Now, to quote Bush (the band of mid-90s brief fame, not the former Idiot-and-Chief): Everyhthing Zen in the city of Angels. And like all of Phil Jackson's championship teams, the Lakers are loaded: Kobe, one of the best guards ever; two 7-footers, Lamar Odom and Pau Gasol, with great all-around skills and Inspector Gadget arms; another 7-footer who isn't terrible, Andrew Bynum; playoff breakout player of the season, Trevor Ariza (aka the new Boris Diaw); gritty playoff vet, the neck-less Derek Fisher; and a bunch of other serviceable NBAers like Jordan Farmar, Luke Walton and Shannon Brown.

The new peaking Lakers vs. the grizzled defending champs would have been great drama for NBA fans and an enormous boost to the league. Think about it for a second.

The Celtics lost Kobe-stopper James Posey, but that's it. They gained an improved Rajondo (my nickname, which I trademarked during the Bulls series while watching games under the influence), and two improved Bigs, in Big Baby Glen Davis and Kendrick Perkins, to go into battle with Garnett against Gasol/Bynum/Odom. There would also be Pierce vs. Kobe. And Ray vs. nobody. (By the way, it would have been incredibly interesting to have seen if Kobe would have continued with his newly adopted chin-jutting, lip-clenching, I'm-going-to-kill-a-small-animal-with-my-bare-hands scowl, which he obviously stole from Garnett.)

Those matchups, combined with the history of four decades of memorable matchups would have pushed the NBA back on top of the American sports scene. Plus, the Sports Guy's head would have exploded.

Instead, we just got Kobe celebrating for himself, on the road, against a crappy, inferior opponent. Did I mention I hate Kobe?

The NBA: where boring, predictable championships happen for self-absorbed, unlikable superstars. I just vomited in my mouth a little. I'd rather watch hockey.

Go Blazers! Why You Should Jump on the Bandwagon

Yes, Seattle, it’s time to embrace your inner Trailblazer.

And I’ll tell you why.

Since Howard Schultz, or as we like to refer to him, the anti-Christ, sold his soul and the Sonics to Oklahoma oil barons, we Seattle sports fans faced a tough decision: do we continue following the NBA?

So sickened by the league’s treatment of Seattle – the Napoleonic David Stern essentially called us bad fans who didn’t deserve a franchise and the other owners, aside from the refreshingly honest Mark Cuban, turned their backs on us – that I was more than ready to stay away from NBA hoops until either Seattle garnered a new franchise or my unborn son won a spot as a12th man on the Dallas Mavericks in 2032.

I’ve liked the college game better for years -- more defense, more passion, the Big Dance – and the NBA regular season is six months of crap anyway.

But the playoffs are different. That’s when the NBA comes alive, guys start hustling, games are actually close and there’s at least one or two games a night for what seems like three months. (That’s also a drawback, by the finals, it’s almost football season and we’re all more concerned with our upcoming fantasy drafts, but you get the picture.)

At the beginning of last year, I decided to become a free agent fan and narrowed my final choices down to the Blazers, Knicks and Celtics.

The Celtics because my wife’s from the Boston area, I fell in love in Ray Allen’s game while he was a Sonic and I’ve always been a Paul Pierce fan. The Knicks because I live in New York and would get to see them on TV and have them covered in the three big dailies in the city, plus I’ve been a huge fan of Nate Robinson ever since his Rainier Beach and UW days (great kid). The Blazer for reasons I’ll get to in a minute.

I never actually made a decision and secretly held on to the false hope that a miracle would save my beloved Sonics from thievery. But once the playoffs started, I threw myself like a ping pong ball into a red plastic keg cup, soaking in the cheap beer known as the Celtics and rejoiced when they destroyed the hated Lakers (probably second to the Yankees as my least favorite pro team) to win their 83rd, or whatever, NBA title.

Which brings me back to the Blazers, who have home-court advantage against the Rockets in a series that starts tonight.

After last season, I decided I couldn’t in good conscience give my full fanhood to the Celtics (though I’ll be rooting for them so my wife will continue to have sex with me). Their success doesn’t lend them to my underdog Seattle attitude. And there’s also the matter of their fans, a bunch of Massholes who’ve had a good run and don’t deserve any more success for the next few decades.

So, it’s NBA playoff time once again and I’ve decided to back the Blazers.

I ask you, Seattle sports fans, what’s not to like about them, besides their being from Portland? (Just joking, we love P-town: better beer, strip clubs and mass transit than the Emerald City.)

And besides, this version of the team actually has Seattle written all over it, from the owner, Seattle billionaire and Seahawks savior Paul Allen, to the coach, Sonic legend Nate McMillan, to the superstar, Garfield and UW alum Brandon Roy who's turning into one of the most dynamic clutch playmakers in basketball.

These are not your father’s Jailblazers, although that decade or so of delinquency was immeasurably fun while it lasted for Seattlites.

This team is fun to watch, plays hard almost every night and is loaded with talent. Pundits are saying they may be the only team with enough horses to upset the Lakers.

I say let’s jump on board.

Aside from their Seattle connections (Martell Webster, I’d mention you, but you fell off the face of the earth after you spurned the Huskies for millions of dollars and a disappointing NBA career), there’s also:

-The goofy and grandfatherly Greg Oden who’s gamely fighting Sam Bowie comparisons on a nightly basis.

-Rudy Fernandez who shredded teams last summer in the Olympics and who is like a skinnier Euro version of Dan Majerle.

-Travis Outlaw who’s last name is Outlaw. That’s just cool.

-Great coverage from the Oregonian.

And if that’s not enough, remember the strip clubs.