Go Blazers! Why You Should Jump on the Bandwagon

Yes, Seattle, it’s time to embrace your inner Trailblazer.

And I’ll tell you why.

Since Howard Schultz, or as we like to refer to him, the anti-Christ, sold his soul and the Sonics to Oklahoma oil barons, we Seattle sports fans faced a tough decision: do we continue following the NBA?

So sickened by the league’s treatment of Seattle – the Napoleonic David Stern essentially called us bad fans who didn’t deserve a franchise and the other owners, aside from the refreshingly honest Mark Cuban, turned their backs on us – that I was more than ready to stay away from NBA hoops until either Seattle garnered a new franchise or my unborn son won a spot as a12th man on the Dallas Mavericks in 2032.

I’ve liked the college game better for years -- more defense, more passion, the Big Dance – and the NBA regular season is six months of crap anyway.

But the playoffs are different. That’s when the NBA comes alive, guys start hustling, games are actually close and there’s at least one or two games a night for what seems like three months. (That’s also a drawback, by the finals, it’s almost football season and we’re all more concerned with our upcoming fantasy drafts, but you get the picture.)

At the beginning of last year, I decided to become a free agent fan and narrowed my final choices down to the Blazers, Knicks and Celtics.

The Celtics because my wife’s from the Boston area, I fell in love in Ray Allen’s game while he was a Sonic and I’ve always been a Paul Pierce fan. The Knicks because I live in New York and would get to see them on TV and have them covered in the three big dailies in the city, plus I’ve been a huge fan of Nate Robinson ever since his Rainier Beach and UW days (great kid). The Blazer for reasons I’ll get to in a minute.

I never actually made a decision and secretly held on to the false hope that a miracle would save my beloved Sonics from thievery. But once the playoffs started, I threw myself like a ping pong ball into a red plastic keg cup, soaking in the cheap beer known as the Celtics and rejoiced when they destroyed the hated Lakers (probably second to the Yankees as my least favorite pro team) to win their 83rd, or whatever, NBA title.

Which brings me back to the Blazers, who have home-court advantage against the Rockets in a series that starts tonight.

After last season, I decided I couldn’t in good conscience give my full fanhood to the Celtics (though I’ll be rooting for them so my wife will continue to have sex with me). Their success doesn’t lend them to my underdog Seattle attitude. And there’s also the matter of their fans, a bunch of Massholes who’ve had a good run and don’t deserve any more success for the next few decades.

So, it’s NBA playoff time once again and I’ve decided to back the Blazers.

I ask you, Seattle sports fans, what’s not to like about them, besides their being from Portland? (Just joking, we love P-town: better beer, strip clubs and mass transit than the Emerald City.)

And besides, this version of the team actually has Seattle written all over it, from the owner, Seattle billionaire and Seahawks savior Paul Allen, to the coach, Sonic legend Nate McMillan, to the superstar, Garfield and UW alum Brandon Roy who's turning into one of the most dynamic clutch playmakers in basketball.

These are not your father’s Jailblazers, although that decade or so of delinquency was immeasurably fun while it lasted for Seattlites.

This team is fun to watch, plays hard almost every night and is loaded with talent. Pundits are saying they may be the only team with enough horses to upset the Lakers.

I say let’s jump on board.

Aside from their Seattle connections (Martell Webster, I’d mention you, but you fell off the face of the earth after you spurned the Huskies for millions of dollars and a disappointing NBA career), there’s also:

-The goofy and grandfatherly Greg Oden who’s gamely fighting Sam Bowie comparisons on a nightly basis.

-Rudy Fernandez who shredded teams last summer in the Olympics and who is like a skinnier Euro version of Dan Majerle.

-Travis Outlaw who’s last name is Outlaw. That’s just cool.

-Great coverage from the Oregonian.

And if that’s not enough, remember the strip clubs.